Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
