During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Randomize
