Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
