My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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