Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
