This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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