So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
My legs feel like baby dolphins
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
