i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
