You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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