idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
