Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
