mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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