I need to stop coming to work sober
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
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