Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
