The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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