I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
