im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
