Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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