You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
