About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
