the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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