I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Did we literally take a cab across the street
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
