oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
We need to get me chipped asap
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
