so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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