Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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