walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
