I want to have your abortion
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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