I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
