i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
