There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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