"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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