Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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