we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I bet he comes in French.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
