I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
