Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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