Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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