So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
