1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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