Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
