your parents love me but you hate me
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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