How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I wish there were birth control emojis
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
