My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
