If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I wish my penis had an off switch
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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