genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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