she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
