Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
