yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
So gin and wine won't be happening again
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
