Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
