areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
