i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
