On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
